Oh today. I wish I could quit you. At least you were pretty!
Oak Creek Canyon, outside of Flagstaff
After partaking in a Super Bowl celebration for 1 (a slice of decadent chocolate cake from Secret Garden Cafe and a mini-bottle of champagne)…apparently I was too riled up (not at all) and couldn’t sleep.
If I were a gambling girl, I would bet the reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was hit with a wave of paranoia due to a few stupid things: where my hotel room was located (on the corner, 2nd floor, motel style entrance), the fact that now the staff knew I was traveling alone (because they had to fix my door’s lock the other night) and the little, itty bitty issue of going home and diving back into “reality.”
After I watched something on HBO about Joe Namath and a really bad movie, “The Perfect Man” I was able to get a little shut eye around 4 a.m. Although, every noise and every movement I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye, jolted me awake. Adreneline in the middle of the night is never welcome in my book. Oh, and I had to keep the TV on and the light in the bathroom on because I was scared…I swear I’m not 7 years old!
Needless to say, this morning was a challenge. I tend to get pretty emotionally raw when I’m lacking sleep, so I was running on empty emotionally and physically. I decided to bid farewell to Sedona with another breakfast at Wildflower Bread Company and the great views they offer there. Of course the minute I stepped outside to enjoy the scenery, I started to get emotional. I didn’t want to leave…
But, I wiped away my tears and saddled up in my little rental car for another long drive back to New Mexico. As I reached the city limits of Sedona, I broke down. Big, heavy sobs started. It was such a hard cry that my head started to vibrate. Fear was taking over.
As you know, from my first post, I lost my job late in 2011. A lot of my fear is coming from the unknown of what is going to happen in my professional life. I’ve always put a lot of pressure on what I “do” and not always on “who I am.” Not saying that the two can’t be connected, just that I have a lot of pride in what I do professionally. I’m trying to shift these feelings to become more in line with one another.
That’s what I was hoping to start to bridge during this trip, and I believe I have. But, old ways of thinking die hard.
I saw this sign today near Oak Creek Canyon and it first made me giggle (I know falling off a cliff isn’t funny but the picture slays me) and then it told me something else…
Be prepared: you are responsible for your own safety
Was that sign talking to me? What I took from it is that…number one: I am prepared. I always have been…I just don’t give myself enough credit. And with that, of course, I am responsible for how I feel. I have the power to choose how I feel…and so do you! I have to begin the path of choosing to feel that good things will come to me, that I won’t be “out of a job” forever and that I have a lot to offer both professionally and personally.
{I haven’t figured out the meanings of ‘use caution: near the edge’ and ‘please do not throw objects over the edge!’ quite yet; maybe you can help!?}
After my own therapy session, I spent the rest of the day on the road listening to Pandora’s comedy channel…it made for a laugh-filled six hours which is just what I needed.
Now, I’m happily reflecting on my time here in the Southwest. I wouldn’t have changed a thing!
…just a half day left…
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