River Robert

On March 26, 2014 at 7:25 p.m. I welcomed my son.

River Robert.

6 pounds // 19.5 inches long // completely perfect in every way

I am whole heartedly in love. In awe. And am cherishing these gone-by-quickly days as with him as a newborn.

Something I want to share is that I have been suffering from severe postpartum depression and PTSD. I fell into the deepest, darkest place I have ever been after River was born. In all honesty — I could not see, sense, or feel any light. It was terrifying, but I continue to get better every day. I am taking it slow, but there is certainly a reason I went through this and I will explore more of it later when I am feeling ready. Right now I am concentrating on recovery and finding a bit of balance in my life (hence writing a little bit of an update) and I am happy to say that my PPD is not the kind that inhibits me from bonding with Riv. That little boy brings me so much joy that I cannot even describe.

I send so many blessings out there to all the mamas who have walked this path before me…did you know that 1 in 5 women experience some sort of postpartum depression or anxiety? Yet so many never speak about it. I felt very alone when I experienced this because I never heard of anyone else going through something similar. Well, you know me, I will not let my story (aka — the story of so many other women) be swept under the rug. But this will come in time. For now, if any of you have words of encouragement or stories you would like to share…please do. Maybe it would help you…I know it would help me. I may not respond quickly, but know that I thank you in advance and I hope you feel me hugging you at the same time.

Also — any light you can send my way — I’ll take it. I know I’m getting better each and every day, but I will still openly accept your warmth and love. For that, all I can say is “namaste.”

Before I leave…here is my new mantra: “One moment at a time” and “let it go” (just try not to hear the melody from “Frozen”). Practice. Practice. Practice. And a lot of patience.

Love, peace, and new baby smell,

Blair