Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away.
It will always be there even if you pretend it is long gone.
I am now in the dark pangs of emotion regarding my miscarriage, that I neglected to process at the time.
When I sat through two doctor appointments that day, the first unable to find a heartbeat, and the second, an ultrasound showing that a sweet little baby that had passed, I methodically took in the information. Not much processing behind it. Of course I was sad, but I was mostly confused. For whatever reason, or employing a coping mechanism at the time, I said “well, this is what happens, ” and ” there’s nothing you can do about it but go through it.” I didn’t deny what was happening, but I also did not try to understand it.
Enter 2 months later.
Emotions are coming out sideways and in deep waves. Sobbing jags wash over me and are so severe to the point that I begin to dry heave. My eyes have a hard time focusing, dull headaches fog my brain, and my ear is plugged up as it seems I don’t want to hear the truth. I don’t feel like moving. I stay in my baggiest sweatshirt and sweatpants for days in a row.
I’ve never experienced this much pain before. I’ve been a master at stuffing my emotions for a long time. I’ve never allowed greif in my field, even with my parents divorce and the constant fear when I was little, the passing of Grandpa, Aunt, and Grandma that I’ve been close to. This time is different. I am unable to stuff. I’ve hit my limit of loss without process. Thus, it is coming out in each and every way. Tears keep coming. I allow them to flow this time. It has to be released. All of my loss.
Loss is Universal. Everyone will experience it in this lifetime. And likewise, everyone deals with it differently. I feel compelled and drawn to speak about this as a part of my healing process. I encourage everyone who has dealt with unresolved loss to allow yourself to free it. Free the loss. Honor the loss. It may sound simple, but this can be tough. Find what works for you…maybe it’s through a guided meditation, writing, recalling what happened and releasing it with emotion, talking with a close family member or friend.
(And I’m speaking to myself here now, too) Allow the release. Allow the release. Allow the release. Ask for help from your angels, guides, God, the Universe and higher beings. They are happy to help you now and always, but you have to ask. They want you to know and truly feel that you are loved, safe, healthy, and free.
We may never fully “get over it” and that is OK. It’s time to set yourself free of all unwanted energy and emotion and get back into the flow of emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
Have you ever experienced emotions boiling over? How did you handle it?